Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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