Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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