I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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