all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Randomize
