She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
