I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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