What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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