at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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