I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize