come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
