Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
