i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
