mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
