In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
