Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
