If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize