pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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