i think i have two assholes
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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