Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
