I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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