the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize