nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
