i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
ugly people sure do ruin things
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
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