a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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