Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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