It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
