No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
