His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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