My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
