O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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