I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
