Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
