Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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