Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
