don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
