The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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