She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
