i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize