He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize