Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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