I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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