How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
