So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
