sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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