i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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