Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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