loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
