At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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