Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
