Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
