I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
