He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
