you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
