umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Pooping to opera.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
