Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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