that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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