I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
