if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
