She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
