How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
