I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
