so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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