how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
