matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
