i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
