His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
