i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
