he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
