I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
