I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
