Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
