i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
