your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
