I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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