Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I see more hoeing in ur future
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