Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
