I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
