And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
