just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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