My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
