Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
