if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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