The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize