ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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