covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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