...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize