Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
