Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
