used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
