My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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