What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
