Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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