Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize