The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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